Above All, Be Kind
Today’s story feels too personal to wax philosophical about so I’m just going to dive in. I hope you don’t mind.
In my most recent conversation for People Stories, the topic of how work can define us and the desire to pretend that we have it all figured out played a major role in the conversation. From it, I was reminded of so many things that I’ve shrugged off as, well — yeah — that’s — important — but — I’ll — get — to — it — later kind of things. Well, later is today. Here’s what I learned:
To ask a person to tell us a story about when things were hard is to ask them to be extremely vulnerable. Do so with care and kindness.
I am learning more and more that stories are sacred things and we sell others’ stories cheap when we’re too distracted or caught up in our own heads to listen. There is a golden field of wisdom to be gained from stories and we so often miss it because we’re too busy or distracted to notice.
As part of this, our stories are worth just as much kindness and generosity as other peoples. It’s so easy to tell ourselves who we should be, but never give ourselves the space to be the person that we ARE. We can celebrate our stories as achievements of grit, perseverance, learning and strength just as we do others’ stories.
Having a community is essential to living a good life.
This may seem like a no-brainer, but rarely do we recognize the people that held our hair while we puked, held our hands while we cried, and held our hearts when we opened them up. From this most recent conversation, I heard about a college friend that (3o+ years after college) traveled several hundred miles to be at the side of a friend who had lost everything. There are so many things about this gesture that amazed me — the fact that she was the first person called when Jane (name changed) lost her brother and her job, and was then left responsible for cleaning out her deceased brother’s apartment that was months overdue on rent. Jane’s friend not only listened to her, she contacted the police and paramedics when Jane was no longer able to juggle all the balls she’d had in the air. She came to Jane’s side, cleared out her brother’s apartment and spent many hours sitting with and listening to Jane as she processed everything that had just happened.
Ask for help.
I am so often guilty of not asking for help, trying to hold out until it feels as thought either my heart or my head is going to explode with the weight of it all. I know I’m not the only one that does this. Why do we wait so long and tough out things that would be infinitely easier if we just asked for help? A few weeks ago, I reached out to family members to see if any of them would be willing to contribute their stories to the People Stories publication. Everyone that I contacted said yes. This blew my mind. Why hadn’t I asked before?
This applies to big things too, like the time I told a friend about my crumbling marriage because I didn’t have anyone else to talk to. She showed up for me in ways I never expected and only because I asked. She never would have known to help otherwise.
We really are in this together if we let ourselves be.
Life is hard for everyone. Yes, that will look different for each person, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s hard. Rather than hate on each other, let’s be a little kinder and more gentle with each other and with ourselves. We’re all trying to figure this life out. And no one, I mean NO ONE has it all figured out.
Here’s to those with the incredible courage to share their stories and a special thanks to Jane for her generosity and courage in sharing her story. May you share the stories that make you you, as well as hear the stories of others with gentleness and care.
